Tag: Stigma

Post Your Pill – Why There is No Shame in Taking Psychiatric Medication

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Three years ago Dr Alex George decided to post a picture of himself holding the medication that he takes for his mental health. The idea behind it was to challenge the stigma around medication and mental health. When he first started taking medication he felt ashamed – a feeling that so many people have felt at the prospect of needing medication to help manage their mental health. Since then thousands and thousands of people have also joined in, posting pictures of their medication on the 1st of every month in an attempt to help remove the shame and stigma associated with meds.

I used to think that taking psychiatric medication was something to be ashamed of. I worried it made me ‘weak’ or demonstrated that I wasn’t trying hard enough. There was a part of me that believed that I should simply ‘push through’ and try to manage on my own. But here’s the truth: there is NO shame in taking medication for your mental health. Those thoughts that I had were planted by a society that still stigmatises mental health struggles and the tools we use to manage them.

When someone needs glasses to see clearly, insulin to manage diabetes or an inhaler because they have asthma, there is no hesitation. We simply accept that they need medication to help. So why is there so much stigma around mental health medication? Your brain is just as much a part of your body as any other organ and, sometimes, you need extra help.

Psychiatric medication doesn’t change who you are as a person. It doesn’t erase your personality or take away your emotions. It simply helps to create space for you to be more yourself.

Medication for mental health is just a different part of the ‘toolkit’ you can use to manage your mental health, just like talking therapy is a different way to benefit yourself. It doesn’t get rid of your struggles or do the work for you, but it does help make things more manageable. It can clear the fog long enough for you to engage in support like therapy and to help you implement the tools that you need in your day-to-day life. For some people it is medication that can get you to a point where you can get out of bed in the morning. For others it helps to lessen the anxiety that you feel or to manage unwanted thoughts and feelings.

It’s not a perfect process by any stretch of the imagination either. Finding the right medication and dosage can take a long time – I tried 11 different medications at various doses and for varying lengths of time before landing on a combination that works for me. I still struggle, and it doesn’t really help lift my mood much, but it definitely helps prevent me from hitting rock bottom. And choosing to explore the option of medication and being open to the possibility of taking meds isn’t a failure, it’s another way of saying “I deserve to feel better, and I am willing to try whatever it takes.”

Meds don’t come without potential complications, either. They can make things worse to begin with, and they take a while to fully kick in. There are also potential side effects to contend with (and sometimes additional meds needed to combat various side effects) or withdrawals if you are coming off a medication you’ve taken for a long time. But by acknowledging that you deserve to feel better you are deciding that your mental health matters and that you are wanting to take care of yourself. This isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of incredible strength.

If you’re on medication for your mental health, considering it, or simply curious about what it could do for you, remember this: there is no right or wrong way to look after your mental health. Some people find healing in therapy, some by exercising, some by taking medication. Often it is a combination of different approaches that can make the most difference. And if you’re feeling hesitant or alone because of the stigma, know that you are not alone. Here is what I wish I could tell my younger self:

Taking care of your mental health – however that may be – is an act of love. You are not weak. You are not broken. You are brave, resilient, and deserving of every tool available to help you live the life you want.

So, let’s keep talking about this. Let’s challenge the stigma and remind each other that there’s no shame in doing what you need to feel better. Because you – and your mental health – are worth it.

All my love,

Anna x

An Invisible Battle: How Chronic Illness Affects Mental Health

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Living with a chronic illness is like trying to work your way through the maze from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – there are new obstacles at every turn, and just as you think you know where you’re going a dead end springs up in front of you and you have to try and start again. Whilst the physical impacts of chronic illness can, at times, be readily apparent, the impact that illness has on your mental health is often overlooked. It’s a complex interaction – an invisible battle that so many people face daily.

One defining characteristic of many chronic illness is their invisible nature, leaving no outward signs of the suffering that goes on. As a result of this many individuals living with chronic illness struggle with feelings of isolation and invalidation. There is often a huge psychological toll because of this, especially when there are attitudes of disbelief from others as they struggle to understand the extent of the pain and suffering that goes on below the surface. This lack of understanding is something that increases feelings of alienation, which just adds to the psychological impact that chronic illness has.

Something that I really struggled with, and, if I’m being honest still struggle with, has been the loss of my previous life. The loss of many things that felt like ‘Anna’. The loss of my degree, the job I had, the hobbies I enjoyed. I could suddenly no longer study or work, and things like running and going to the gym were unattainable because of the harsh limitations that were so quickly imposed on my life. And I know that this is something that so many other people struggle with too. As well as the loss of life, the stigma that accompanies chronic illness also impacts our self-esteem. We live in a society that values busyness and speed, productivity and independence. It becomes easy to internalise these messages, and to feel like everyone else is living their best life, which can exacerbate struggles with our mental health. 

And chronic illness life is STRESSFUL. That might be the understatement of the year. We have to deal with symptoms, flares, appointments and treatment, as well as the questions about the future that hang over us. Experiencing unpredictable symptoms and  flare ups is something that definitely makes me feel out of control. I really struggle with not knowing if things will get better or worse, and wish that I could somehow control everything in my own way (yes, I am a control freak and perfectionist and probably always will be). It becomes easy to feel like you’re constantly watching your back, trying to anticipate the next wave of symptoms that will appear. And this is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. The never ending feelings of stress have been studied and shown to contribute towards anxiety, depression and other mood disorders.

However, whilst it’s true that there is little those with chronic illness can do to ease the challenges that they face, dealing with these challenges day in, day out, means we also start to become very resilient people. And the more resilient we become, the more we can accept what is going on in our lives which can make the mental toll feel lighter. Additionally, this resilience can help us to try and develop a strong support network, trying to seek out others who understand what life is like, who make us feel less alone in our journey. 

Trying to reach out of help from others is something that’s really difficult, yet also something that everyone should try to do. It can be invaluable in providing additional support for the emotional impact that chronic illness causes. Engaging in therapy or counselling can help you develop skills and coping mechanisms that will help you in the day to day struggles, and support groups can give connection and help you form relationships with people who truly get it. All of this can also help you begin to feel more compassionate towards yourself, can help push you more towards acceptance of your situation.

Living with chronic illness is a journey full of obstacles, but is also testament to the resilience of those who struggle. It’s completely understandable that having a long-term illness has a big impact on mental health and can cause huge struggles – I think anyone who suddenly lost their sense of self and their previous life would start to struggle too. 

Finally, to anyone trying to navigate the unpredictability of chronic illness life, remember this: your struggles are valid, people do see your pain (and are exactly the kind of people you need in your life), and you have more resilience than you think you do. You are not defined by your illness, even when it dominates your life, but by the courage that you show when you get up and face life day after day.

All my love,

Anna x

Behind Closed Doors

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A question I’ve been asked a lot before is ‘what is life like on a psychiatric ward?’ and I don’t think there’s a description I can give that fully sums it up. It changes from ward to ward, patient group to patient group and things like ward dynamics, staff, type of ward and outside influences can change how things are dramatically. For example, the ward I’m currently on is in the process of being completely split into a male ward and a female ward so there is a lot of building work going on. This means that it’s loud, busy and often overwhelming. It has definitely impacted how this admission has been compared to when I was here 4 years ago. But I’ll try and describe what life can be like on wards – this is purely based on my experiences as a patient (and former staff member – I used to work as a HCA at a Priory hospital so I can comment based on that experience too). It’s also important to note that I am referring to acute wards (the most common type of ward) as this is the only kind of ward I have experience of – I am not talking about PICU, secure services, rehabilitation wards etc which all have very different presentations too.

This is fairly typical of modern bedrooms on psychiatric wards – obviously not all wards will look like this, but it was a picture that seems fairly in line with my experience of wards.

Thinking about psychiatric wards can feel like you step into a world that is covered in a veil of mystery, yet also stigma. Patients are kept behind locked doors and, unless you are admitted yourself, or are visiting someone on a ward, things are neatly hidden away. That is, unless a patient absconds, but that’s a whole other kettle of fish and something I’ll leave for another day. So what is life like behind these closed doors? Psychiatric wards serve as a safe space for individuals experiencing mental health crisis and offer a degree of support and treatment for a wide range of mental health conditions. The experience of life on a ward varies hugely from patient to patient, especially as we are all so unique and are all presenting in different ways, yet there are some common threads that tie the experience together.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about psychiatric wards is that you go in unwell and come out better. On NHS wards in particular there is a big absence of therapeutic work available to patients as this kind of long-term work typically comes in the community (or rehabilitation wards such as those that specialise in trauma therapy or DBT). It’s not that common for wards to have regular therapeutic interventions from psychologists, although in some cases this does happen. I, for example, have just been offered 4/5 weeks of weekly sessions with a psychologist to complete a formulation that will hopefully help to prepare me for discharge. However, the therapy that I really need – trauma work – will come when I am in the community and stable enough to fully engage in it. Patients will typically be discharged once they have stabilised to a degree that they are no longer in acute crisis, but this does not mean that they are well, or even that they are stable by ‘normal’ standards – they are stable enough to be discharged.

Often there is an activities programme put together by the activity coordinators and occupational therapists that work on the ward and this can provide a welcome distraction from the mundane life that patients are forced to experience. This can include things like film nights, cooking sessions, baking, playing games, having coffee mornings, having access to an art room and visits from PAT dogs (I did, of course, save the best until last!) They may also offer things like mindfulness sessions and individual sessions with OT’s to work on individual goals. Programmes like this do help as they engage patients to a degree and get them used to regularly engaging in groups, as well as mixing with other patients (something I’ll come to in a minute). Engaging in groups also shows the MDT that you are working with staff and will work in your favour when it comes to things like requesting leave and, eventually, discharge.

One of the ‘nicest’ aspects of life on a psychiatric ward is the opportunity to make connections with other patients – after all, you are spending all day, every day in the same, fairly confined, space and so you do often get to know each other quite quickly. This isn’t always the case, though, as it does depend on the patient group at the time and how well you ‘gel’ with other patients. However, when connections are forged, they are often deep and meaningful. After all, you understand the difficulties of being in crisis and what life is like with mental illness, may have similar diagnoses, and can empathise with the difficulties of being stuck on a ward, shut away from the outside world. There’s also the opportunity for peer support, as patients can share their experiences and give advice based on situations they have found themselves in – I know I find it much more reassuring when I’m hearing things from someone who truly understands what my life can be like as there is that empathy underlying the discussions.

I was actually having a discussion with a patient the other day. We are fairly similar in age which is always nice, and seem to have a good relationship despite only knowing each other for a matter of days. We were sat in the quiet lounge (trying to escape the hectic nature of the ward at the moment – building work and loud patients aren’t always the best combination for two individuals who need to have quiet time!) and got chatting about our lives and how we ended up on the ward. And as each of us spoke, we found it really easy to slip in different pieces of advice, as well as stories from our lives to hopefully encourage the other. This isn’t always how things happen on wards, however, but it’s a nice bonus when it does!

Something that I think is probably fairly common, yet also not, across wards is the sense of rigidity and routine – it can often feel like there is no routine or structure on a ward, and whilst that can be the case at times, when you take a step back and look at the day as a whole you will find that there is actually a lot of routine and structure. Medications are given at the same time (roughly) daily, meals are always at the same time, groups tend to happen at the same time each week and you have your ward round at the same time weekly as well. When you aren’t able to engage in groups or they aren’t available it definitely feels like there is no structure at all – you seem to aimlessly float around, maybe sitting in the communal area for a change of scenery, but certainly not feeling like there is any semblance of structure to your day. But some of this does give patients a feeling of predictability and order – they know their meds are coming or that lunch is coming up – in a world that can feel so unpredictable and messy.

I could probably go on and on with stories from my admissions, comparing different wards and just generally rambling, but  I’ll draw to a close here. Overall, life behind the closed doors of a psychiatric ward is a complex, interconnected web with so many different threads that draw together. It can vary so much from place to place or time to time but I think that the overall aim is for wards to be places of safety for people experiencing crisis where they can stabilise to a degree before returning to ‘normal’ life to continue their recovery. I hope that by talking about the reality of life on a psychiatric ward it can do a few things: dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that people might have, shed some light on what life is really like whilst an inpatient on an acute adult psychiatric ward, and also foster greater empathy, compassion and support for those who are struggling with their mental health. Whilst we have made great improvements in the understanding and acceptance of mental health in recent years, there is still a lot of stigma that needs to be removed and it is talking that will help to lessen this stigma even more. 

All my love,

Anna x