Tag: Grief

When God Doesn’t Answer “Why?”

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We’ve all been there. Collecting exam results, alone with a diagnosis we don’t want (either for ourselves or a loved one), sat in a waiting room for test results, living with a grief so sharp it leaves us breathless. Or, maybe we’re just walking through another day that feels heavier than we can carry, events around the world breaking our hearts. And the word “Why?” rises from somewhere deep within us.

Why did this happen? Why didn’t God stop it? Why me? Why am I not better? “Why?” is the question that haunts suffering and is so often one that we aim at heaven.

We ask God, “Why?” – but so often, we’re met with silence. Or answers that make no sense or don’t satisfy us. We want clarity. Resolution. A divine reason wrapped in a bow that makes everything okay. But more often than not, God doesn’t give us the answer we want.

Instead, He gives us something else: He gives us Himself.

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20

God may not explain every pain. But He promises to be present in it. And that is no small thing. The Creator of the universe doesn’t sit far away, looking down on our struggles and ignores them. He steps into them. He wraps Himself in our humanity. He walks through the fire with us. He suffers with us.

That’s why we call Him Emmanuel.

God with us.

Not God above us, or God far from us, or God explaining everything to us – but God with us.

And nowhere is that more clear than in Jesus.

On the cross, Jesus cried out words that many of us have whispered through tears:

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” – Matthew 27:46

Even Jesus – God in flesh – asked “why?”

That moment wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t failure. It was Jesus fully entering into the human experience. He didn’t skip the agony. He didn’t bypass the questions. He became like us, even in our confusion and anguish.

Which means your questions don’t scare God. Your “why?” doesn’t make you less faithful. It makes you human. And Jesus meets you there.

So often we think faith is about having all the answers. But maybe faith is about trusting that even when there are no answers, we’re not alone.

Because “why” may not always be answered in this life. But “with”?

That’s God’s eternal promise.

With you in the dark.

With you in the waiting.

With you in the ache that won’t let up.

With you to the very end of the age.

Maybe the better question isn’t “Why, God?” but “Where are you, God?” And the answer is always the same: Right here. Right beside you, still holding you, still faithful.

We don’t have a God who only gives explanations.

We have a God who gives presence.

We get Emmanuel.

And sometimes, that’s the answer we need most.

All my love,

Anna x

Loneliness in Chronic Illness

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Living with chronic illness is a journey that is full of challenges – physical, emotional, social – you name it, it can be a challenge. Among these, loneliness is something that is incredibly common but is also underestimated by a lot of people. Chronic illness fundamentally reshapes your entire life – activities that one brought you joy may no longer be possible due to pain or fatigue, friends and family may struggle to understand your limitations which also leaves you vulnerable to feelings of loneliness.

Social events often require energy and effort that a lot of people with chronic illness are unable to participate in. Spoon theory is a good way to describe the energy limitations that are imposed on someone with a chronic health condition, and often we simply lack the ‘spoons’ needed. This can lead to feelings of isolation as being around friends and family is how we feel connected and is something that people need – we use solitary confinement in prisons as a punishment because it removes that connection that all humans need.

As well as this, when people misunderstand our illness or limits that we have, it can lead to a lack of empathy or patience. It’s understandable that, unless you’ve got a chronic health condition yourself, you can’t fully comprehend what life is like. And as chronic illnesses are so unique and symptoms vary drastically from person to person there can be misunderstanding between individuals with the same condition. It often feels like no one understands what life can be like, and this is a lonely place to be!

Loneliness doesn’t just stem from chronic illness either – it can actually worsen it. Social isolation can exacerbate feelings of depression, anxiety, and hopelessness, which can, in turn, amplify physical symptoms. It can feel like a never-ending cycle that is impossible to break.

But despite the loneliness that you may feel, there are other ways to connect with people. I have found communities online that have allowed me to connect with and speak to other people with chronic illness who understand what life can be like. For me, social media is my connection to the outside world – if I didn’t have access to it then life would feel even more isolating for me. I sometimes take breaks from social media as it can feel overwhelming at times, but I do miss the sense of community and understanding when I am away from those groups.

If you know someone who is living with a chronic illness, remember that your understanding and patience can make all the difference. Reach out, listen without judgement, and offer support in whatever way your loved one needs. Offer to pop round for a cup of tea or to go to drop off some shopping. Ask if they want to chat on the phone or over facetime. Find out if they need help with jobs around the house and offer to go over and help them get some bits done. Whatever is needed at the time – knowing that they have people who love and care about them will undoubtedly make the person struggling with chronic illness feel valued and connected to you!

All my love,

Anna x

Mourning the Life You Expected

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I’ve written about the grief that accompanies chronic illness before, but it’s a topic that I often come back to because it is something that has been so prevalent in my life.

Living with chronic illness often comes with a deep sense of loss. It isn’t just the physical symptoms that affect your day-to-day life, but also the realisation that the life you imagined for yourself might never come to fruition. This feeling of loss can manifest as grief, a complex emotional process that many people with chronic illness experience.

Grief isn’t just something that is limited to the death of a loved one. People often grieve the loss of:

Physical abilities – the things you once took for granted like running, dancing, walking, might now feel or become impossible.

Independence – it’s hard when you have to suddenly rely on other people for help doing tasks that you would have previously handled independently with no problems. This is something that can feel incredibly vulnerable.

Future plans – you might have to give up on career goals, travel plans, or family aspirations, or at the very least, adjust your expectations of what you can realistically manage.

Sense of identity – chronic illness can force you to redefine who you are and how you see yourself. This is something that I have struggled with a lot – who am I without the things that I can no longer do. Who am I if I’m not studying or working?

Grief doesn’t follow a linear pattern at all. There are stages of grief that people go through but the order and time it takes varies massively from person to person. The five stages that people are said to experience are as follows:

Denial – “This can’t be happening to me.” You might ignore symptoms or resist a diagnosis.

Anger – “Why me?” It is completely natural to feel frustration and resentment about your situation!

Bargaining – “If I do everything that the doctors are telling me to do, maybe I’ll get better.” This stage also often involves clinging on to the possibility of a cure or treatment that will make life bearable.

Depression – “What’s the point?” Sadness and hopelessness can feel incredibly overwhelming.

Acceptance – “This is my reality but it doesn’t have to define me.” Accepting your situation doesn’t mean that you like your situation, rather that you are finding ways to move forward despite your diagnosis and struggles.

So, what can you do help cope with these feelings of grief?

You should allow yourself to feel your feelings. Don’t try to bury them because this isn’t going to help and will likely make things more difficult in the long run. It can also help to connect with other people who understand what life with chronic illness is like – I’m very lucky to have found communities on Facebook and Instagram that have allowed me to meet other people in similar situations to myself.

Therapy can also be a very helpful tool. I have been seeing a counsellor for 4 years and she has been my lifeline, offering me a safe space to explore my feelings around my illness. Through therapy I have learned how to be more compassionate towards myself and to respect my body’s limitations. I now respond with kindness when I’m having bad days as I’ve learned that punishing myself is not going to be beneficial.

Grief doesn’t mean giving up – it means making space to acknowledge your losses but also the new opportunities that might arise as a result. Chronic illness may alter your life dramatically, yes, but it doesn’t erase who you are as a person. And it doesn’t have to get rid of your potential for growth, connection, and happiness.

All my love,

Anna x