I recently wrote, performed and shared this spoken word poem on my TikTok account and it seems that a lot of people could relate to it. If you can relate, I’m incredibly sorry, but I also hope you find some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

They say,

“Call for help.”

But I did.

And help came

with flashing lights

and cold stares

and hands too firm

for someone already breaking.

“Trust the system,” they said.

But I did.

And the system strapped me down,

spoke over me

called me non-compliant

when I was just

trying not to fall apart.

Safe?

You tell me what’s safe

about being told

your story is “too much”.

That your pain

needs a label

before it gets attention?

What’s safe

about uniforms

that make your skin crawl,

white coats

that feel like warning signs,

and police who ask questions

but don’t really want the answers?

I learned the hard way:

“Safe” is a lie

when you’ve been hurt

by the helpers.

When your cries

get translated into crazy.

When your trauma

gets brushed off as behavioural.

When your body

is treated

but your soul

is left bleeding in the waiting room.

You see,

no one tells you

how much bravery it takes

just to walk through the door

of a hospital

when the last one left scars.

No one talks about

how the ones with the power

can do damage

with a clipboard and a checklist,

with a shrug,

with a sedative

with a look that says,

“You again?”

This is what it’s like to be afraid

of the people you’re told to run to.

To flinch

when the sirens wail

in the streets.

To go quiet

in the presence of authority

because the last time you spoke –

it cost you something.

So don’t ask

why I didn’t tell you sooner.

Why I waited.

Why I lied and said “I’m fine.”

Because when “help” feels like harm

silence becomes survival.

And I’ve mastered the art

of sounding okay

just enough

to stay alive.

But I’m tired.

I want safe

to mean something again.

I want healing that doesn’t hurt.

I want care that listens before it labels,

that asks before it acts,

that sits with me

before it tries to fix me.

Because I’m not a problem.

I’m a person.

And I don’t want to be saved –

I want to be seen.

Here is a link to the original TikTok incase you want to hear it spoken rather than just reading it:

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdYwQbUu/

All my love,

Anna x