1. Looking fine doesn’t mean we are fine – whilst we might look like we are fine and like we are not in pain, trust us… we are still in pain. It takes a lot of time and effort to try and come across like we function normally in spite of the pain. We might say we’re fine, but usually we’re not – it’s just easier to try and hide it. 
2. We’re not lazy, we are exhausted – dealing with pain day in, day out, is a tiring thing to do. It might look as though we sit around a lot and don’t get a lot done, we might come across as being lazy, but things are very far removed from that. We beat ourselves up enough about what we can’t do, and really don’t need other people piling on pressure too. Dealing with constant pain is exhausting, it takes a lot out of you. 

3. We’re very good at feeling guilty – having chronic pain doesn’t just cause physical pain, it can also cause emotional pain as well. We feel guilty when we can’t go out or have to cancel plans because of pain, we feel guilty when we eat or drink something that could trigger our pain, we feel guilty when we have to rest and take time out to manage our pain better. It can turn into a vicious cycle. 
4. Lots of us will have been treated like drug addicts – please don’t be ‘that’ person. Chances are you mean it as a joke, but I’ve had so many arguments with doctors about pain and how they think I’ve abused medication in the past (which isn’t true) and I’m tired of jumping through their hoops. No one should face barrier after barrier to get treatment that might help them. 

5. Pain changes everything about our life – there are the really obvious changes, and the not so obvious changes. We have to adapt the basic things like household cleaning or food shopping, to fit in with our pain and what we can manage. It’s definitely a balancing act. 
6. We’ve been accused of faking – please don’t be someone who accuses us of faking it too. We know it’s invisible, we wish it was more obvious at times because if people could physically see the impact it had I can guarantee that they wouldn’t be calling us out as ‘fake’. 

7. Please don’t ask us when we are going to get better – chronic pain is often a permanent condition. It might be hard to fathom life with something causing pain forever but that is the reality for a lot of us. People expect to see progress and that hurts because they’re pinning their hope on something that probably won’t come to fruition.  
8. Our pain tolerance is often pretty high – this means that when I say I am in pain, I am in pain. And a lot of it. I function every day with high levels of pain that I never imagined being able to withstand but over time it has just become a part of my life that I have to deal with. 

All my love,

Anna x

An analogy that I’ve always loved to use, yet somehow pushed down to the bottom of my mind, is this: recovering from an eating disorder is like climbing a mountain. You might start off great and feel like you have everything going for you but the more you climb the more tired you become. It’s hard work. You’ll want to turn around and begin the descent multiple times – it feels like the easy option, the one thing you know how to do: returning to your eating disorder. But if you persevere and keep on climbing, even when everything in your body is screaming at you to stop, you’ll eventually reach the top of the mountain. And when you do you can look out over the amazing view and finally say “I made it!”

To those who know me well, you’ll know that I have a love for Grey’s Anatomy. I am bloody obsessed with it. And it was, of course, a quote from Grey’s that reminded me of this analogy last night. Meredith says:

They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of a mountain. They’re smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way ‘cos who wants to remember the rest of it. We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level. Nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just wanna remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing. And it’s worth the pain. That’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything.

And all I could think about was how true this is when applied to recovery. It doesn’t necessarily have to be recovery from an eating disorder either, it could be recovery from an addiction, from PTSD, perhaps something physical. Once you reach the top of the mountain, once you recover, you get that breathtaking moment where you realise that the pain was worth it, the fight was worth it, every tear you shed and the horrible moments you endured… they were all worth it.

So if you’re currently climbing your mountain and want to turn back, return to the bottom, back to what is familiar… remember that nothing can compete with the feeling you’ll get at the top. It’s hard but oh my gosh is it worth it!

All my love,

Anna x