The following post is a poem that I published in my collection ‘Mending the Broken’ and will never not like reading back to myself when things feel hard. It’s a letter to myself, apologising for the things I have put my body through and promising never to let myself go back to that place. It’s incredibly easy to look back on your life with rose-tinted glasses on – and I feel like it is something I struggle a lot with in relation to my history of Anorexia Nervosa – my brain dislikes being reminded of the reality of how life was back then. So this is a post for me as much as it is for you.

Dear body, I’m so sorry.
Sorry for the way I’ve treated you,
For the torture you’ve endured
At the hands of me.
The respect that I withheld you,
For the acceptance I never gave you.
I am so, so sorry.

Dear arms, I’m so sorry.
Sorry for the pain I have inflicted,
For the marks I have left,
And the scars you now bear.
You do so much for me,
Allow me to write and hug (and so much more).
I’m so, so sorry.

Dear legs, I’m so sorry.
Sorry for calling you names,
And for hating you with all my being.
For trying to shape you into something else,
Rather than accepting you
And being grateful you are there.
I’m so, so sorry.

Dear stomach, I’m so sorry.
Sorry for calling you flabby and fat
And for being ashamed of you.
For refusing to accept that you’re perfect,
And have done more than I could ever imagine.
You protect my organs and keep me safe.
I’m so, so sorry.

If I didn’t have a body,
Then there wouldn’t be a me.
I need you.
I need you to be me.
So today is the day I start to treasure you –
To treat you with respect.

I know I am not perfect,
That society will always tell me I can change.
But even though I’ll never be perfect to the world,
I can be perfect to me.
So, body, I am so, so sorry.
You are beautiful and always have been
And you will always be beautiful to me.

All my love,

Anna x